


Bad at Love

by ezrajclarke



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Endgame Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Eventual Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Slow Burn, bechloe - Freeform, music producer beca
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 15:45:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17625212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ezrajclarke/pseuds/ezrajclarke
Summary: This work has been abandoned, unfortunately. Unless there's a lot of support to keep it going, it will not be continued - Beca and Jesse break up and Chloe has no idea. Chloe and Beca's relationship is very complicated and filled with much angst. Review if you'd like.





	1. Bad at Love

Beca stood in the doorway of her apartment, eyes star-stuck wide. Her shoulders dropped. Her messenger back fell off her shoulder to the floor. The air was cold and silent like the waiting room of a hospital. Her eyebrows furrowed and stared at her boyfriend, watching his every movement when he stood up from the couch. His eyes were blood red from crying, which Beca had never seen before in her life. Beca swallowed hard when he stood up.

“Do you love her?” 

Jesse twirled his thumbs with tense shoulders. His flannel unwrinkled as he stood. The leather couch made a familiar sound when he moved. Beca was quiet at first. She then cocked an eyebrow at the book and cleared her throat, “Jesse what’re you talking about?” She forced herself to laugh. 

Jesse scratched the back of his head and Beca felt her limbs go numb, “Beca I can’t avoid it any longer and I thought it was over in college but I just, I need to know. Do you love me? Or do you love her?”

Beca scoffed and laughed off Jesse’s accusations, “Swanson, where is this even coming from?”

“Don’t act like I’m crazy. We’ve been dating since freshman year of college. We don’t live together, I’ve never even met your mom, and every time I bring up marriage you cringe. For Christ’s sake you won’t even stay with me anymore.” Jesse’s points were clear and concise. Beca could tell they had been building for a long time because he raised his voice, “I’m not going to ask again,” he backed off and closed his eyes, almost whispering, “Do you love me?”

***

Less than a year later - 

The leather seated Jeep pulled into a parking space and Beca had to peer over the high steering wheel to make sure it was straight. Once in, she threw the car in park and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She shook her head and sighed. “Beca, is everything okay?”

Amy stared at the worn out brunette with one eyebrow cocked. Beca turned the key in the car. The lights went out and Beca slammed her head on the wheel, “Yeah, it’s just you know, I thought I’d be farther than this by now and I’m just not - you know?” Beca pulled her finger tips from the middle of her forehead and swept her hair behind her ears. The stress was planted across her face with bruises beneath her eyes. 

Amy knew exactly what she was talking about, but took a moment to respond, “Beca, come on. We’ve talked about this. You’re Beca freaking Mitchell And if they didn’t see how great of a producer you’re going to make, then they’re not worth your time.” 

Beca sighed and looked up at the neon sign plated on the building before them. She sighed into a deep breath, “Yeah, I know, you’re right.” 

The girls were silent for a few minutes, “You know what’s going to make it better - seeing the Bella’s!!!” Amy raised her voice and got out of the car. 

She motioned for Beca to follow and Beca took another long deep breath, “and here we go.”

Soon enough, Beca  found herself shoving her shoulders against the crowd of much taller people then herself. Her eyes squinted closed when she was in the vicinity of strangers and opened again then she felt hot club air against her skin. Blue eyes filtered through the crowds and looked for a familiar face. Something to go off of. Close behind her she could feel the sweat on Amy’s skin as she held tight to the DJ’s left shoulder, “Beca, slow down.” She was yelling, but it was only luck that Beca heard her. 

Beca didn’t let up until her eyes fell on ginger roots across the dance floor. Her eyes squinted to be sure. A smile crossed the redheads lips and Beca’s eyes were fixed. Chloe waved them over and the two girls eyes locked for the first time in too long. A familiar feeling rushed over Beca’s skin and her heartbeat started in her throat. When Beca stopped dead in her tracks, Amy pushed her forward and the brunette stumbled. Amy’s weight against her propelled her across the floor and she nearly fell to the ground. She quickly caught herself and scoffed. She tried to look for Amy so she could yell, but she didn’t have the chance. Instead, a familiar pair of cerulean eyes caught her small hands and pulled her close, “Becs? Are you alright?”

Beca swallowed hard when she looked at Chloe. Her mouth was all of a sudden dry and her lips grew chapped. As she spoke Chloe’s face was inches away from her own in an attempt to be heard over the nearby DJ. Beca clasped her hands together and nervously pulled herself away from the redhead, “Yeah I’m good.”

Chloe smiled and pulled her in for a hug. She squeezed tight and Beca could smell her vanilla perfume lathered across her neck. Her eyes closed and her shoulders fell less tense. Looking past Chloe, she finally found Amy who was giving her a suspicious look. Beca shook her head and Chloe pulled away. “It’s been so long, how are you?” 

Before Beca could muster up something, Emily appeared behind them and yelled for their attention, “Hey!” 


	2. Walls

Beca Mitchell was the kind of girl that could feel a thunderstorm coming in her bones. She was the kind of the girl that pushed away the closest people she knew and enveloped herself in her own mind. She often kept her thoughts to herself and unknowingly, shut everyone out. She had a long way to go when it came to having friends. That being said it wasn’t that she hadn’t already come a long way. In college she took huge strides towards real relationships and cared more then she was ever willing to admit. But since then, she had slowly drifted her way back and built more walls to keep others out. It was seemingly a never ending cycle. 

  
Beca breathed in the brisk fall air and sighed. The night had arrived early and in her slightly buzzed state she found appreciation in the cool silence around her. From the inside, she could hear an ever so slight hum of a bass drum from the band playing the bar for the night. She shook her head at the familiar music sound and pulled a pack of cigarettes from her leather pocket. She fiddled one between her fingers, then brought it to the corner of her lips. She lit it and felt it warm her chest. 

  
“You know, as a medical professional, I would have to advise against that.” Ginger locks appeared at the door behind her and Beca nearly jumped ten feet in the air. 

  
“You scared the piss out of me.” Beca muttered, blowing out a pile of smoke. She tried to put on a sarcastic smirk, but it fell short of Chloe’s standards. 

  
Chloe laughed and smiled, knowingly. The girls then quickly fell to silence and Chloe joined the brunette who was leaning against the handicap rail. Chloe admired her friend, but her lips fell into a straight line. “So, a lot of time on your hands, huh?”   
  
Beca swallowed the lump in her throat, but did not give Chloe the satisfaction of looking her way. Instead, she thought about the moments prior to their conversation. About telling the Bella’s she would travel with them again, about telling them that she had enough time to go sing half way across the world. It was one thing for Beca to want to Travel with them, though everyone knew she’d never admit that, But with her life as busy as it was after college, it was more then a surprise that she could. Beca dropped her shoulders and sighed out a bucket of smoke. She’d known all too well that Chloe would catch on.

  
_Do you love me? Or do you love her?_

  
“Something like that.” Beca closed her eyes when she took her next drag.

  
Chloe opened her shoulders to the brunette and turned inward, “I’m sorry Becs. If you ever need someone to talk to..” Chloe trailed off when Beca didn’t look in her direction.  
Beca’s eyes floated across the parking lot, “Yeah.” 

  
Chloe bit her bottom lip and stared intently at the distraught girl. Her eyes wandered her expressions and she shook her head. Chloe lifted the cigarette from Beca’s mouth and threw it on the other side of the rail. Beca finally look in Chloe’s direction and their eyes locked. Beca’s glistening eyes went from glazed to steel in a heartbeat. The warm familiar feeling spread across her skin again. Her shoulders dropped instantly before her former best friend and she licked her lips. Chloe raised her eyebrows and Beca looked back down at the cigarette. The brunette opened her mouth to speak but when she turned back, Chloe’s eyes were piercing, “There you are.”   
***  
Most of the girls wouldn’t remember how they got home that night. They would remember talking about singing again and Aubrey offering to get them into a show in... err... Europe? Could’ve been Canada. That was when things got hazy. When Chloe finally pulled herself out of bed, she was met with Aubrey, coffee, and Motrin in the kitchen. She silently thanked herself for choosing her best friend for a roommate. 

  
“Thanks.”   


Aubrey nodded and went back to drinking her own coffee, “So how do you feel?”   


Chloe laughed, “I mean it’s a headache, but not my first hangover Bree.”   


Aubrey rolled her eyes as she sat at the kitchen table with a newspaper in one hand and a cute homey mug in the other. Chloe sat across from her, still wrapped in a blanket and pajamas at noon, “I meant about this trip.” When Chloe looked confused Aubrey continued, “about going across seas? With the Bella’s? With Beca?“ Chloe raised an eyebrow and shook her head, silently telling the blonde that she did not get the point, “Only the girl you fawned over for four years because you never told her you’re in love with her?“   


“Oh.”    


“Yeah.”   


“Oh come on Bree, she’s with Jesse.” Chloe pouted, her eyes suddenly losing her their sparkle.

“And that’s what you always said.”   
Chloe scoffed, “and it’s still true. That’s that. If you really care, you should be trying to help me get over her, okay?” 

Aubrey shut her mouth and nodded slowly, taking note that Chloe wouldn’t look her in the eye anymore.   
***

Beca woke up that same morning with another hangover, but it wasn’t much different from her last week or so. She only forced herself out of bed when she heard Amy trying to make breakfast - again. “Amy, what’re you doing?” Beca walked around with a blanket encasing her entire body and trailing off behind her. She stopped and stared when she found Amy digging through the cabinet under the sink. 

  
“I'm looking for the - “

  
“The?”

  
“The thing with the..”  


“The??”   


“You know, the..the...THIS.” From the bottom of the pile, Amy pulled out a whisk and held it high in the air as if she was waving a wand.   
Becs laughed at her best friend and rolled her eyes, “A Whisk?”  


Amy got from the ground, “Get ready for the best chocolate chip pancakes you’ve ever had.” Beca laughed and found her amused by watching Amy try to cook. She sat down at the kitchen table and stared intently.

They were briefly silent, “So talk to me about Beale.”  
Beca rolled her eyes and forced a smile, “And what exactly is there to say about her?”   
Amy rolled her eyes, moving her eyes back and forth between the pancakes and Beca. “I don’t know, what happened between you two last night? You were acting really weird.”

“I lost my job Amy, I’m allow to act weird.” Beca rolled her eyes and poured herself a spot of coffee. She rubbed her temples and brushed away the mess they had all over the couches, then sat down. As she did, she leaned her elbows on her knees and sighed, taking slow sips of her coffee.

“No, you weren’t acting I lost my job weird you were acting weirder.” Amy replied, earning the side eye from her best friend.

“Oh, really.” Beca rolled her eyes.

“I’m just saying, you are single now.” Amy said, while sticking her third gooey pancake to the ceiling. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Beca quickly retorted. Amy looked over at her best friend, who didn’t bother to look back. Amy sighed and went back to her pancakes. Hopefully being the bellas would help.


	3. Sharing

Before anyone knew what hit them, the Bella’s were in Spain and walking their way onto what they would soon know to be base one. It had been a long day of carrying luggage from plane to plane and most of the girls were far past exhaustion. In the morning they had all been excited about the tour and catching up on what they had missed in each others lives, but as the day came to a close they were more or less quiet. Even when everyone was talking, Beca hadn’t talked much about her life and in her own mind, there wasn’t much to say. She got fired and lost her boyfriend just a few years after graduation. She wasn’t doing anything special with her life. She didn’t have a publisher for her book like Jessica and she wasn’t in school and she didn’t have an internship. Things had really, fallen apart. 

As they walked towards the rather handsome men in uniform, Aubrey took her chance and pulled Amy off to the side and away from the group. Amy was startled at first and was rather loud, as always, but Aubrey quickly covered her mouth. Only when they were a few feet away did she let the other girl breath, “What’s with the shushing?” Amy quickly asked, furrowing an eyebrow. 

“I think we should let Beca and Chloe share a room.” Aubrey breathed out as she stared at the former co-captains in the distance. 

Amy’s shoulders fell and she took a deep breath, “I think you’re right.” She muttered, “If I’m being honest, Beca hasn’t been herself in so long. I haven’t seen her actually smile since we were all together after worlds. And then she and Jesse broke up and she lost her job..” Amy started to immediately ramble. 

Aubrey’s eyebrows rose high, “Jesse and her broke up?” Her mouth gaped open.

“Yeah, a few months ago. She wouldn’t tell me why or what happened, she’s just.. Shut down again.” Amy sighed, “I miss the old Beca.”

“Okay, listen. We’ll room together and let them share a room, okay? I think this trip is going to be what’s best for them.” Without another word, Amy and Aubrey joined the group again, where Chicago was just introducing himself.

Beca walked up in the front and stood next to Chloe. Her eyes wandered across the man in uniform and she rolled her eyes almost instinctively. He was clean cut, serious, and if she was being honest he looked like a douche bag. He started talking and her eyes moved to Chloe, with her hair curled and her cerulean eyes beaming as always. Beca couldn’t help but smile at her and think about how gorgeous she was with that big smile of hers. Then she thought about how much she had missed the redhead over the past year of not seeing each other everyday. Then, just as she was thinking about it, she looked up and noticed Chloe’s face. Looking at Chicago. Biting her lip. 

Beca scoffed and she could feel something boiling under the surface. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. She looked back and Chloe and she looked at Chicago. His face hadn’t moved as he was distracted by Amy’s latest outburst. Beca’s shoulders hung and she turned away and she shrunk. 

_ Do you love me?  _

***

They quickly arrived at their hotel and checked into their rooms. Aubrey did the talking as always and Beca was actually relieved to have the former captain back to handle all of the logistics of the trip. Aubrey handed out all of the passes and announced the rooms that they would be staying in, “Jessica and Ashley in 1501, Flo and Emily 1502, Lily and Cynthia Rose 1503, Chloe and Beca 1504, and Amy and I will take 1505.” 

Beca took Chloe and her key cards and furrowed an eyebrow, “You two are going to stay in a room together?” 

Amy and Aubrey shared and a look and both awkwardly smiled back at the brunette, “We just figured that you and Chloe would want to catch up. I can’t believe it’s been months since you’ve hung out.” Aubrey mustered out.

Chloe half heartedly smiled when Beca looked at her and then she gave a stern look at Aubrey. Amy quickly cut in, “Yeah, Bloe together again!” 

Beca and Chloe smiled at each other and shrugged their shoulders. Beca walked on and Chloe immediately pulled Aubrey back behind the group, “What happened to _ help me get over her?”  _

Aubrey took a deep breath and stared at her best friend, “You wanted to get over her so you stopped talking to her, Chlo. Whether you date or not, I don’t think you want to lose your friendship. Every bella will tell you that you guys have something special. Do you really want to lose that?” 

Chloe bit her lip and admired the carpeted hotel floor as they walked. Aubrey was right. After College, Chloe tried her hardest to get over Beca and the more she tried to get over it, the less the two girls has talked. And that was a friendship she never wanted to lose. She shook her head out of a trance and looked at Aubrey once again, “You’re right.”

Chloe ran forward and found that Beca was already in there room with the door propped open for the redhead. As she walked inside, she found Beca’s stuff dumped onto a bed. When she looked around, she found Beca had made herself onto the balcony, staring out over the fall night sky. Chloe smiled at the brunette and dropped her stuff on her own bed. She stared at the petite girl and dropped her shoulders. She’d forgotten how much she missed talking to the DJ and listening to what she had so say. 

Beca almost jumped when Chloe closed the balcony door behind her. “Sorry.” Chloe half laughed and tightened her shoulders. 

Beca smiled half way and laughed at herself, “It’s okay.” 

Chloe sighed and leaned on the rail next to Beca, “Are you okay? I mean, I know you said you were the other day at the bar and I know you said you don’t want to talk about it but you just seem really upset and I know I haven’t really been there for you lately but you’re always going to be my best friend and -”

“Chlo, it’s okay, really.” Chloe seemed to quiet down when Beca spoke up, “I just um,” The brunette smile and cleared her throat, “I lost my job.” 

“Seriously? Oh my god, Becs, I’m so sorry.” Chloe furrowed an eyebrow and Beca felt the redhead’s hand on her shoulder. Chloe rubbed her back lightly and Beca could feel her warmth. 

“It’s okay, really, I mean it’s not like they fired me. I quit.” Beca looked up and saw the sympathy in Chloe’s eyes, “I just couldn’t do it anymore, Chlo. I finally got into a real recording studio and all they wanted me to do was get them coffee.”

Chloe looked up into Beca’s eyes and gave her a reassuring smile, “You deserve better, Becs.” 

Beca swallowed hard and looked back out over the view, “Maybe.” 

Before Chloe could say anymore, the rest of the bella’s were piling into their room and asking talking about the next day’s events. They were laughing and joking around, seemingly enjoying themselves. Chloe and Beca quickly dispersed from one another and walked back into their room, “I really can’t believe you’re engaged Cynthia.” Aubrey noted as the two joined in the conversation.

“Honestly girl, neither can I.” Cynthia smiled bright and everyone could see her blush. 

The other girls laughed and Jessica was the next to cut in, “What about you Aubrey? How is Stacy?” 

Aubrey smiled to herself, quite entranced by the topic of her relatively recent girlfriend, “We have never been better.” Aubrey smiled. Then, she quickly turned towards Beca, “What about you Beca? How is Jesse?” 

Beca froze as the group of girls looked up at her, dispersed between the two beds. She took a deep breath and looked at Amy. Amy bit her lip and smiled with the bottom row of her teeth. The other girls joined in banter of asking how Jesse and her were. It had been over six months and she hadn’t told anybody besides Amy about the break up - and even Amy didn’t know why they did in the first place, “I uh,” She stumbled, swallowing the lump in her throat, “Yeah, we’re great actually.”

Aubrey’s eyes fell as harshly as her shoulders. She looked over at Chloe and watched as the redhead wilted when she listened to what Beca said. Aubrey then looked over at Amy who shrugged her shoulders in response to Aubrey’s confusion. The other girls quickly continued on to other conversation and Beca grabbed a cigarette from the pack in her jacket pocket. 


	4. Human

The bellas talked to one another all through the rest of the day and into the setting sun. They learned about each other through small games, which involved more then enough questions, most of which involved Beca lying about her recently ended relationship. Soon enough, night started to turn over to morning and the girls dispersed quickly to their rooms to sleep off the jet lag. Everyone was tired and as excited as they were to be together again, they would get to spend quite a few nights together on this trip. They had plenty of time to sleep.

Each of themleft in a single file line, until it came time for Amy and Aubrey to take their leave. Chloe left for the bathroom to get changed and Beca opened the swing door for them to leave. Aubrey and Amy walked quietly and talked to one another with facial expressions. Once they got to the door, they nodded at each other and pulled Beca by the collar. Beca flew from the room and nearly tripped to the floor when they let go.

Beca tilted her brow and moved her eyes between the two other girls, “What?” Aubrey folded her arms and started tapping her foot. She looked at Amy who nodded back and then back at Beca, expectantly. Amy raised an eyebrow at her. Beca repeated herself, “Guys, what?”

Aubrey macked her lips, “Why didn’t you tell anyone that you and Jesse broke up?”

Beca whipped her head over to Amy, narrowing her gaze. “You told her?” The look on Amy’s face told her everything she needed to know. Beca’s shoulders dropped and she folded her arms on top of each other. She brushed her hair back behind her ears, making her eyes pop - though the look on the brunette's face was a signature  _ Beca _ look. Her eyebrows were dented inward, as if she was either a disappointed mother or a rebellious teenager. Either way, she was waiting for an explanation. 

Aubrey looked at Amy, who’s mouth fell ajar.  When Amy turned her gaze to Aubrey, Aubrey raised her eyebrows in a  _ Don’t look at me  _ kind of way and shrugged her shoulders with her own folded arms. Amy looked back at Beca, “I mean, I-I didn’t know it was a secret.” Amy practically shouted the way she always did, even when she was trying to whisper.

Aubrey shook her head and ran her hands through blonde highlights. She swallowed and stared at the attitude driven bella before her, while nibbling at her bottom lip. She stared at Beca for a long moment and found herself thinking long and hard about how much the brunette had changed. It took a long time for Beca to open up to people and seeing her now, all these years later, with a few years apart from the other bellas she had a realization. One that told her that in time they spent a part, Beca had become closed off just like Amy said. Beca had lost all of the connection that the Bella’s pushed her into her freshman year. In her head, she cursed herself for letting it happen. 

“Why is it a secret, Beca?” Aubrey’s voice punctuated every consistent. 

Beca turned her head and looked down the hallway. She lent her back against the air conditioned hotel wall and rolled her eyes. She swallowed her breath and tongued her lip. A stray hair fell into her face and she pushed it toward the back of her neck. She left a hand there and scratched endlessly. A sigh came out her parted lips as she sucked in another harsh breath, “I don’t know, I mean, It’s just something personal and-”

“Is it because of Chloe?” Aubrey cut in and Beca froze.

The air conditioned breezed through them like cold wind.

_ Do you love me? Or do you love her? _

Beca cleared her throat and opened her mouth to answer. Thousands of words filled her head though she couldn’t get more than a slight K sound come out. She closed her mouth and shook her head. She coughed out the lump and her throat and dropped her bottom lip again. She laughed unevenly when no words came out again. 

And then all before she had a chance a to answer, Chloe opened the hotel door. She was surprised to meet the faces of her friends right outside. Beca looked over and saw the redhead, her hair in a new found bun and her eyes looking across all of them. Her pajamas looked like they were traditionally worn on christmas, with little elephants covering the cloth. “Becs?” Chloe’s eyes moved from the girls congregating in the hallway and fell onto the grungy looking brunette, who had just propped on shoulder up on the hallway wall. Her eyes were big blue puddles of confusion and her hair dripped ginger from it’s bun. Once again, her pool blue eyes met Beca’s steel one’s staring back, “What’s..going on?”

The three girls looked around the group, darting their eyes from one person to the next, never keeping eye contact for very long. Beca’s eyes eventually drifted to the ground and looked at each of the girls shoes. Aubrey fiddled with her thumbs and Amy very audibly gulped. Amy started to March in place and her eyes moved like she was trying to tell Aubrey something. Beca smacked her lips together and the three girls in the hall one after another said, “Nothing.” 

“Okay..” Chloe gulped out with an expression that said anything but okay. She shook her head, shrugged, and turned, giving all of her attention once again back to Beca, “Are you coming in?” Beca lifted her eyes from the ground and raised a brow. She gave a firm smile to the ginger and giving a small nod to Aubrey and Amy. She took a breath in and let it out in the shape of an “O.”  Her eyebrows tilted slightly in a pained way and it made the silver blue of her eyes more grey than usual. 

“Yeah, absolutely.”Beca parted ways from her friends and Chloe opened the door for the brunette. Beca walked inside under her arm and Amy and Aubrey said their goodnights.

Chloe closed the door and leant against it. She watched Beca walk to her bed and pick up a duffle bag to unpack. Beca pulled out a large ramones tee shirt and sweats from the duffle bag she left on her bed. Without hesitation, she pulled her day shirt off from the hems by her waist. She pulled her shirt off over the back of her neck and Chloe easily found her eyes unable to turn away. Her eyes watched at Beca revealed toned abs drifting to the V above her shorts. She swallowed the breath she didn’t know she was holding. Once she noticed that her stare lasted longer than a few minutes, she  averted her eyes to the floor and swallowed. Beca looked over and noticed her stare as well as the red inching across Chloe’s cheeks., “You okay, Beale?” 

Chloe walked forward and laid down on the other bed in the room, face first. “Yeah,” she mumbled into the blankets. Slowly, she turned around, sat up, and cleared her throat, “I mean yeah, of course.”

Beca furrowed her brow as she changed her pants, bending down in the process, “You sure?” She asked with a laugh. Chloe nodded, this time staring at the ceiling which made it look like she was rolling her eyes. Beca bit her lip and turned to look at the dark balcony. She cleared her throat and the two girls exchanged a brief and oddly professionally looking smile. 

That night, they didn’t talk much either. They exchanged odd and uncomfortable looks as the two tried to decide what they should talk about. Over time they each gave up and turned the light off to get some rest, agreeing that the next day would be a long one. Only, they didn’t really. The two put blankets over their bodies and turned away from one another to act out the motions. They closed their eyes and squeezed them tight. But nothing happened. Neither of them could fall asleep, but didn’t want to disturb the other. They tossed and turned as quietly as they could. The squeaky comforter did less than nothing to help. Beca rubbed her temples and she felt the circles under her eyes darken. When she finally decided she couldn’t try to sleep any longer, she ripped off the blankets and got out of bed. She grabbed her laptop, leather jacket, beats, and cigarettes, and went out onto the balcony. Instantly, her mind started on a mix. 

Chloe watched as Beca sparked fire and let smoke fill her lungs. Chloe sighed out the frustration of not getting any sleep. Normally, she was one of the first to fall asleep and the Bella that advocated most for getting a full eight hours. Because that was healthiest. But still, she couldn’t. She was too anxious and nervous and all in one excited for the events to come. Not to mention that Beca couldn’t sleep and Chloe couldn’t stop wondering what was going on inside her head.  After moments of continuous wonderment, she too decided to get up and go onto the balcony, with one of the sheets wrapped around her pjs. 

When she opened the sliding glass door, it squeaked just loud enough for Beca to hear it through her beats. The brunette pulled the headphones onto her neck and turned to Chloe, who only smiled at the tired alt girl, “I’m sorry, did I wake you?” 

Chloe shook her head, “No, I couldn’t sleep either. Are you working on something?”

Beca looked back down to the mixes that were pulled up on her laptop. Flustered, she shook her head at it, “I mean, I guess something - sort of. It’s Just something I do when I can’t sleep.” 

Chloe sat down in a chair next to Beca, “Can’t sleep often, I assume?”

Beca shrugged, “I guess. They gave me something for it, but it doesn’t work too well.”

Chloe bent her eyebrows, “You mean a doctor? For insomnia?”

Beca gulped, “Uh, yeah.”

Chloe could tell Beca was no longer interested in talking about it anymore, so she tried her best to change the subject, “So is this something the Bella’s could do?” 

Beca bit her lip, “I don’t think so. I was thinking of using it for a resume since I’ll be looking for a new job now.”

Chloe nodded, taking a deep breath in of the fresh, warm air. “So.. Can I listen?”

Beca opened her mouth to say something, looked down at her laptop, and then just nodded. Chloe’s smile grew as Beca handed her the beats, “I warn you, it’s not so great.”

Chloe rolled her eyes and took the beats on her ears. Beca turned back to her laptop and took another puff of smoke. The music started to the tune of two Demi Lavato songs.

_ Oh, no here we go again. _

_ Fighting over what I said- _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ Yeah, I’m sorry _

_ Bad at love - No I’m not good at this. _

_ But I can’t say I’m innocent, not hardly. _

_ But I’m sorry. _

 

Chloe nodded along to the mix, enjoying the subtle R&B track playing beneath the words. Between the verses a rapper cut it off with an introduction of himself on the track. She looked at Beca, whose eyes were watching out and away from her. Chloe swallowed a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding in. The song continued.

_ And all my friends know that it’s true. _

_ I don’t know who I am without you. _

_ I got it bad baby. I got it bad. _

  
  


The lyrics cut off and the R&B background became the louder track with a small clapping of the beat in the background. 

_ His grip it fit but I admit _

_ That only you could make me feel the way you do. _

_ You know love is blind _

_ And he just caught my eye. _

 

The chorus came in and the lyrics began to mesh together. Beca took a drag of her cigarette and Chloe stared at her, watching the smoke dissipate. Her eyes were growing only wider.

_ Now I’m fucking Lonely.  _

_ (Oh tell me you love me) _

_ And you didn’t want me. _

_ (I need someone on days like this I do) _

_ Trying to show me that you didn’t own me, _

_ (Oh tell me you love me) _

_ But all you do is leave me fucking lonely. _

_ (I need someone on days like this I do) _

_ (On days like this - Oh can you hear my heart say?) _

The drums kicked in and once again the songs switch gears to give one the primary sound. Chloe gulped.

_ All you do is leave me fucking _

_ Lonely, _

_ Leave me fucking Lonely. _

 

The second verse came down into play and the R&B sounds came back to the background of the song. An Ariana Grande song lyrics started the next verse.

 

_ I know you’re motives _

_ And you know mine _

_ The ones that love me _

_ I tend to leave behind _

_ If you know about me _

_ And choose to stay  _

_ Then take this pleasure  _

_ And take away the pain _

Tears almost started to form in Chloe’s eyes and she felt her breath hitch. She had goosebumps. Her hands were shaking. The mix mashed chorus of Demi Lovato songs repeated itself again. The mix went through an instrumental riff and then stripped down to only piano. A Christina Perri song cut in.

_ I can hold my breath, _

_ (So what do I do if I can’t figure it out?) _

_ I can bite my tounge.  _

_ (So what do I do if I can’t figure it out?) _

_ I can stay awake for days if that’s what you want. _

_ Be you’re number one. _

_ I can fake a smile  _

_ I can force a laugh _

_ I can dance and play the part if that’s what you ask _

_ Give you all I am _

_ I can do it, I can do it. _

_ I can do it. _

 

_ But I’m only human. _

_ (Oh tell me you love me) _

_ (Lonely) _

_ And I bleed when I fall down _

_ (I need someone on days like this I do) _

_ (Lonely) _

_ I’m only human _

_ (On days like this) _

_ And I crash and I break down. _

_ (My hearts sing) _

 

Finally the mix dropped in intensity and left the Lyrics to strongly stand on their own. 

 

_ You ain’t nobody till you got somebody _

_ (I’m only human) _

_ You ain’t nobody till you got somebody _

_ (Leave me fucking Lonely) _

_ Everything I need is standing right in front of me. _

_ I know that we will be -  _

_ Alright, Alright.  _

_ Yeah. _

 

Chloe took off the beats and wiped her eyes clean. Beca looked back at her and threw the cigarette off the balcony. 

“So?”

Chloe smiled, with a certain kind of pain in her eyes. It was the same look at Beca had seen so many times before without any recognition of what it meant. Chloe stuttered and nodded, “Yeah, It’s great, Beca. It’s amazing.” She licked her lips and her shoulders tensed, “You’re amazing.”

Beca rolled her eyes at the compliment almost instinctively. Chloe gave her back the beats and Beca put her things on the ground next to them. She scratched the back of her neck, “Hey Chlo,” She mumbled and Chloe met her stare, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Becs.” 


	5. Day One

The next morning the girls all met for breakfast downstairs, but at varying times because the hotel offered a buffet from 8-10. That morning, Beca crept out of her and Chloe’s room as early as she could, having hardly gotten any sleep herself, and went down to breakfast to meet with Amy and Emily, who she had texted when she couldn’t wait any longer to get up for the day. So, after angrily getting dressed before she had a cup of coffee, Beca took the elevator downstairs, walked into through the hotel lobby, and into the small restaurant buffet. Emily and Amy were already at a table with their buffet trays set up when she got there and before she saw them, they saw her and waved her over. She put up a “one-moment” finger grabbed herself a tray, getting first and foremost coffee, than a few of the lesser important breakfast foods. Finally, as Beca sat down to eat, she quickly realized that Emily and Amy were both staring at her, without a word of good morning. After a few sips of coffee and enough silence to annoy her, Beca finally asked, “What?” With an annoyed furrow to her brow. 

Amy and Emily looked at each other and shrugged. “Nothing.” Then they both looked down at their food and pretended to eat it, but instead just pushed it around their plates. 

Amy looked up after a few minutes of silence as the tables turned and this time Beca was doing the staring. When she thought it was safe, Amy looked up, but she still caught Beca’s death stare, “You told her too?” Her voice was a half whisper, half angry.

“To be fair you really shouldn’t trust Amy to keep her mouth shut,” Emily smirked and Amy nodded enthusiastically. 

“Yeah, Smalls. Everyone knows that.” Amy she said, her mouth still full of a bit of food.

Beca swallowed and the silence dropped over them like a sandbag in a theatre. Emily ate her food and continued to look up at Beca between bites. Finally, Beca looked up and dropped her fork, “What is it, junk?”

Emily shrugged, “Nothing.” She went back to eating and Beca did the same. As soon as Beca looked down though, Junk was staring at her again. After repetitive staring, Junk finally shrugged her shoulders and said, “well it’s just. Why did you lie last night?”

“It’s just not something I want to advertise.” Beca mumbled, now using her fork to push around the French toast on left in a huge pile of syrup.

“You know that Chloe is like -“ Emily started but Amy knocked her drink over and across the table. All of the girls lifted their trays from the table to keep it from spreading. Emily shrieked as some spilled onto her jeans. 

Beca raised an eyebrow at them both, but Amy rushed her off to the bathroom after cleaning up the bit of coffee that was on the table. Though, before Beca could make a question about what just happened, Chloe appeared in the doorway to the buffet. Before waving her over or calling out her name, Beca couldn’t help staring. The way Chloe looked in the morning was absolutely breathtaking. Not to say more beautiful than when she got herself all dressed up, but nearly equal in Beca’s eyes. The way her ginger curls from the night before turned themselves into a beautiful mane and the way her eyes were only somewhat in focus, still carrying sleep in the corners. The way she put up her hair into a bun as she walked into the room, every kind of Chloe was Beca’s favorite. She had definitely hadn’t realized how amazing it was to wake up In the same house as Chloe and she definitely didn’t realize how much she missed seeing her every morning.

“Hey. I didn’t even hear you wake up today.” Chloe said as she made her way over.

Beca smiled to her as she sat down next to her, “Sorry, yeah, Amy and Emily asked to get breakfast. Didn’t want to wake you.” She mumbled as she put another piece of bacon in her mouth. 

Chloe took a piece of bacon off her plate and leaned her head on Beca’s shoulder, “I wish I could just sleep away the day.” Beca nearly flinched at the sudden sign of affection. She hadn’t been around Chloe in months now and she had finally got Amy to understand what personal space was. At the same time, she didn’t want it to end so she stayed as still as she could be to keep Chloe from moving away. Chloe stayed though, and she nuzzled her nose into Beca’s shirt, “Do you know what we’re doing today?” She asked.

Beca wiggled her nose in thought and Chloe couldn’t help but find it adorable. “I think they’re giving us a tour, than practicing I think. I have a couple of mixes I’d like to try out today.” 

“Like the one you were working on last night?” Chloe asked. 

Beca only shook her head, “No. That one isn’t exactly performance worthy I don’t think.” The brunette mumbled, realize only just than that she wrote it for herself.

“I liked it.” Chloe mumbled back, her voice being even more muffled by the collar of Beca’s jacket. 

“Thanks.” Beca smiled as she drank her coffee. 

“Ladies.” The girls turned to find none other than Aubrey Posen walking into their word, “Sleep well?” 

Beca and Chloe looked back at each other and than up at Aubrey. Beca shivered at the loss of contact. Aubrey smiled and shook her head at them both. Chloe only shrugged, “Of course, what about you?”

“Amy is,” The blonde made a face with a crinkled nose and pressed lips, “fun.” 

Chloe and Beca only laughed together, their faces somehow so close they could have kissed and they both hoped the laughing would cover up their blushes. For a minute, Beca felt like a senior again in the Bella house with her whole life ahead of her, her stomach clenching over being so close to Chloe again, “To be fair this was your idea.” Beca mumbled, “I have lived with Amy since we lived at the Bella house I was completely fine with sharing a room again.” 

Aubrey only rolled her eyes, “No, it’s alright. I want you to to catch up. Did you guys get a chance to last night?” She was trying to be inconspicuous, but Beca still narrowed her eyes at her.

Chloe looked back at Beca and put a hand over the one Beca had been resting on her leg. Beca tensed at it, still trying to remember that this was normal for Chloe. She was a physical friend and she would do it to everyone in the group. This wasn’t anything special, no matter whether she wanted it to be or not. Chloe smiled over at Beca and than looked at Aubrey, who had taken a seat across the way from them. “No, we haven’t but we still have the whole tour.” The words make Beca nervous.  _ Talking  _ was exactly what Beca was afraid of. 

Jesse’s words we’re bouncing across her head like they had been for the past six months. The redhead before her was the reason he left her in the first place and Beca couldn’t be sure he didn’t have the right. Beca tried to shake it off though and tried her best to stay in the moment with them. Besides, Chloe had never felt that was towards Beca. They were best friends. Right?

The rest of breakfast was a mass of girls talking about their lives, the apartments, joking around, and talking about the performances they had coming up. Afterwards, Chloe’s  _ army boy  _ as Beca referred to him as, took them on a tour of the base. Beca tried her best to stay in the back during the tour as Chloe got googly eyes over everything  _ whatever his name was  _ said. It only served as a reminder that Chloe had never and would never feel that was about her. 

“So I guess you didn’t tell Chloe about Jesse than?” Aubrey asked as she drifted her way to the back of the line.

Beca only shushed her and back her up even more, “No. Would you stop bringing it up?” 

Aubrey only sighed, “Beca, you have to tell her.” 

Beca shook her head and swept her hair out of her face, “No. I absolutely do not.” 

“You’re toners showing.” 

“I do not have a toner for Chloe.” 

“I never said it was for Chloe. You did.” Aubrey’s smile was victorious and Beca hated it.

“Can’t you all ever stay out of it.” Beca mumbled. Her eyes still glued to the redhead at the front who was obnoxiously flirting with  _ that damn boy.  _

“No, you need to be honest with her. Beca if you and Chloe can’t work this out-“ Aubrey started.

“Aubrey, be honest, what do you think telling Chloe is going to do if she knows Jesse and I broke up, huh?” Beca sighed and Aubrey couldn’t help but think they would be a couple if either of them would just be honest. “It’s not exactly something I’m advertising, You know? I don’t just say ‘I lost my job My boyfriend left me because I’m in love with the girl up front who’s currently and shamelessly with the  _ man in uniform  _ upfront’” Beca rolled her eyes for the millionth time in the tour. 

Aubrey furrowed her brow just than, “Wait, that’s the reason Jesse broke up with you? You’re in love with Chloe? Jesus Beca, you need to-“ before Aubrey could finish, the group ahead had begun an impromptu riff off with some other bands on the tour. Without a doubt, Chloe needed them up front and Beca was without a doubt. So the girls came up and went through songs they all knew well. It was surprising to Beca that they still kept up on their vocals together despite not practicing for a while. They moved from song to song and the other bands picked up on the game as well. For a second, Beca and even forgot about everything that had happened between her and Jesse and everything with her job. For a minute, she felt like she had everything together. Chloe did a beautiful rendition of  _ Love Me Harder  _ and Beca wondered if she could. 

Still, as the bands started to like the game, they picked up their instruments, which inevitably drown out the girls voices. In the moment, still feeling good to sing again, Beca sung out loud enough to get everyone to stop, “I’m only human. And I bleed when I fall down. I’m only human. And I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knives in my heart, you build me up and then I fall apart.” The bands drown her out after, but Chloe grabbed her hand at the end, making everything worth the words she sang. Chloe gave her a look and for a minute she felt like they were back at Barden, all of the feelings and secrets they had together coming up to the surface. For once, Chloe was staring at Beca, Beca only, and Beca loved it. 


	6. Waiting

_ A little over six months ago -  _

 

Beca sat in her apartment alone, just a few hours after Jesse had left her. Amy would be due to walking in any minute, but for now, Beac was alone. She was holding a pillow to her chest and she was curled around it on the couch, but she wasn’t crying. She was staring at the door Jesse had used to walk out of her life, her boyfriend of four years, but she wasn’t crying. She had expected to, at least a little bit. She was sad. But not the kind of sad you feel when your boyfriend of four years walks out of your life. It was more like the kind of sad you feel when you lose a close friend and someone you cared about. She did love Jesse, but this was a different kind of heartbreak. So instead of thinking about him walking out of her life, she had not and would not stop thinking about the words he used to do so. The reason he could walk out of her life without any kind of protest from Beca. Because Jesse said that Beca Mitchell was  _ in love  _ with Chloe Beale.

So there she was, on the leather couch of their living room, in the dark of Winter in New York, staring at the door, and thinking about what Jesse had said. Chloe and Beca had definitely been close, they wer _ e best friends.  _ That’s all.  _ Right?  _ What gave him the impression that they were anything more? The more Beca thought about it, the more she could see it. Chloe was always a physically close friend to all of the Bella’s and especially Beca. Beca always assumed it was because Beca didn’t like physical affection. Though, with Chloe, it was different. Over the years of being with Chloe and living with her, Beca had come to enjoy the attention. Or at very least she didn’t flinch or tense her muscles the way she did with Jesse. Was her relationship with Jesse really just a lie?

Beca could admit to herself that she had been focused on a career, focused on wanting to make a name for herself. She had always assumed that a relationship would come some time in the middle and Jesse was there, he was cute. She did really like him, at first at least. He was exactly what she would want for a boyfriend, husband. He was a film major, he understood what it meant to create art to make the dream a reality. He supported her in ways her father never did. He saw that she had talent and let her make more of it. They had a lot of fun together. He was still one of her best friends. Which was all the more heartbreaking as the living room grew darker and Beca realized that he was right. In all of their relationship, that wasn’t love or passion. That was a great friendship and she knew that her feelings for that friendship would’ve never added up to how he felt for her. Suddenly, she realized why he couldn’t stay. Even if he did, Beca couldn’t tell herself she wouldn’t have married him just because society made her feel like that was what you were  _ supposed  _ to do. Jesse didn’t want that. Hell, Beca didn’t want that. She needed something real.

_ Chloe Beale.  _ The name sounded like an echo in her head. Was that something real? Was the way that Chloe had pulled her by her hands and told her that they would be _ fast friends  _ real? What about the way her heart was pounding when Chloe’s face was so close to hers? Was that  _ real?  _ Beca couldn’t stop going over it. She had assumed that specific night that she was just drunk - that the alcohol and the fact that she didn’t like physical attention like that meant that she had had too much. If it wasn’t for Chloe, Beca would have never been a part of the Bella’s. The more she thought about it, the more she realized how crazy of a story it was. If she had had it her way, she would have been in Los Angeles on the streets playing clubs and probably making it nowhere. But because of her dad, she was at Barden and because this beautiful redhead interrupted her shower, she had a family. Beca’s throat was dry just thinking about that night. She can vaguely remember that Chloe was with Tom in the showers, but she could also vaguely remember the way her own face was blushing. She had assumed it was because of such an invasion of privacy, but now she wondered if anything she had assumed was right. She hadn’t ever really thought about her sexuality too much. To her, it was all fluid and you liked who you liked. She had talked about it with the Bella’s before and most of them felt the same way. Jessica and Ashley had been dating since senior year and no one ever bat an eye. Had Beca overlooked the feelings she had for Chloe? 

That first year at Barden, Jesse wasn’t the only one who supported her music. Chloe had tried time and time again to convince Aubrey to let Beca help with their performances. Aubrey was a bit controlling and she never let her, but Chloe and Beca had spent nights going over mixes. Chloe had always loved hearing Beca’s music. She had supported Beca through the years at Barden and they were unstoppable when they led the Bella’s in the years to come. Beca had always cared what Chloe thought. She cared about the way Chloe saw her and she cared about the Bella’s more than anything. Which is why when she got her first internship, she didn’t want to tell Chloe. She didn’t want to because she was afraid Chloe would think Beca didn’t care about the team anymore. After all, Chloe had stayed at Barden because she was afraid of moving on from the Bella’s. Beca had never wanted Chloe to think she didn’t care. 

If she was being honest, her and Chloe’s fights were bigger and scarier than any fight she had with Jesse. She liked Jesse, but not in the way she would chase him if he walked out the door.  With Chloe, her heart was racing and her throat was dry. And then there was that comment about being Bhloe and Beca was now wondering if Amy had meant more by it than the joke. After all, Amy was Beca and Chloe’s biggest supporter. She was the one who called them mom and dad of the Bella’s. She was the one who wanted Beca to tell Chloe about the internship. Maybe it was cheesy, but Beca smiled at the thought of Chloe always being her harmony. With titanium, with the cups song, Chloe was always there to get Beca back into the music. Was Chloe trying to ask Beca something when she told her she wished she had done more experimenting in college? Beca had never thought twice about it. 

Before her thoughts could continue down the hill in the snowball form they had been in, Amy walked in the house. “Beca?” She asked in her all too familiar Australian accent. Beca looked up at her as the hallway lights outside of the apartment illuminated her, “Beca, why are you sitting in here in the dark?”

Beca swallowed and shook her head.  She pushed her legs to the ground and pushed a hand through her hair, “Jesse broke up with me.” 

There was a moment of airy silence between them as Amy tried to assess the situation, “Are you alright?” She asked in her once in a lifetime serious tone.

Beca only cleared her throat and sighed, “I don’t know.”’

***

Present Day - 

The long day of practice turned mostly into a group song picking session in the first empty room they could find for privacy from the other bands. Beca was happy that privacy also meant privacy from Chicago as well. All of the girls were surprised by how great the acoustics were in the room they found and decided it would be their practice room from that point on. The girls sat around in a circle on the hardwood and listed out songs from previous performances that they loved so much and added in the latest songs they had thought would sound great together. Beca put a list on her laptop and played them a few of her more mainstream mixes, none of which included the one she had shown Chloe the night before. 

A lot of the girls loved her mix of  _ Cheap Thrills  _ and Beca wondered if she had the energy to hit the notes she would have to if they did it. As much fun as she was having being with the girls, they weren’t exactly helping her out of the rut. Every few hours she had been pulled aside by one of them to talk about Chloe or her job or Jesse or if she was just alright. She was kind of getting sick of it. They all knew she hated to talk about her feelings like that and she couldn’t keep track of who knew what at this point. Everyone knew about her job, which she hated, but appreciated their support. Amy, Emily, Stacy, and Aubrey knew about her breakup with Jesse, which they couldn’t keep their mouths shut about and on top of all of that Aubrey knew about her feelings for Chloe. It was exactly the kind of mess she was hoping to avoid this trip. 

Still, she couldn’t believe that it had been a year since she had seen all of these girls. How was it that they were such a close-knit family that couldn’t keep up with each other’s lives. After worlds, she had only kept in touch with Chloe and after her breakup with Jesse, even that went downhill. Amy kept telling her it was because she was going back into her shell and Beca couldn’t help but wonder if she was right. Was she pushing people away again? The thought made her scratch at the insides of her wrists with anxiety. She had spent eighteen years hating the idea of the family and now that she finally had one, she couldn’t let it go to waste. Aubrey was right, whether she works out her feelings for Choe or not, she can’t keep pushing everyone away. That would only make it harder for everyone to be in touch. She couldn’t revert back to her old self like that again. She wouldn’t let it happen. So, when the girls split off to their rooms that night, Beca decided that she wasn’t going to keep secrets anymore. She wouldn’t let a family get torn apart the way that hers did when her dad met Shiela. 

Once they all got off the elevators and exited into their rooms, Chloe took Beca’s hand and led them back to their room. Beca was thankful she didn’t have to find her keycard when Chloe immediately pulled hers from her wallet and pushed the door open for Beca. Beca thanked her with a smile on the corners of her lips and Chloe smiled too. In the moment though, Beca’s stomach was doing flips and her heartbeat was starting to rise. She couldn’t help how nervous she was to tell Chloe that Jesse and she broke up the same way she couldn’t help how angry it made her to see Chloe and Chicago together. Maybe it was because she had hoped Chloe would take it as a hint and kiss Beca on the spot. Maybe it was because Beca was hoping that Chloe would just know and confess her undying love. Maybe it was because thinking about all of that made Beca’s heartbreak because she knew it wouldn’t happen. That was the kind of heartbreak that was  _ real. _

With all of that on her mind, Beca started to pace back and forth in front of their beds. Chloe walked in behind her, let the door close behind them, then watched. She folded her arms as she did and Beca just continued to pace and look at the ceiling and twiddle her thumbs. Chloe leaned on the wall and after a few minutes finally asked, “Becs, is everything okay?” 

“I have to tell you something,” Beca said, partially under her breath. She continued to pace, “and I don’t want you to get mad at me because I lied.” She gulped after she said the word lied. 

Finally, Chloe reached out a hand and grabbed Beca’s wrist, forcing her to stay in one place - forcing her to look into Chloe’s beautiful, cerulean eyes. “Becs, you can tell me anything. I won’t be mad.” She promised.

Beca took a deep breath and furrowed her eyebrows worriedly. She bit her lip, took another breath, then finally came out with it, “Jesse and I broke up.”  Chloe’s jaw immediately dropped and her eyes were a deer in headlights, “I know, I should have told you and I wanted to, I did, I just, I already lost my job and I didn’t want everyone to know how much of a mess my life was. No Job, No boyfriend, all that. I just didn’t want to just come out and tell everyone that-”

With her other hand, Chloe rubbed Beca’s shoulder gently, “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad.” She whispered and Beca realized she was close to tears by now.

Beca took a deep breath and wished that Chloe didn’t think that these were tears over Jesse. She wished Chloe knew that they were tears over why they broke up. Tears over the fact that she never realized she had feelings for Chloe until so recently that it felt like it was too late. Tears over the fact that Chloe would never feel the same way. “I’m so sorry.” She mumbled, apologizing more because she was so late than not telling Chloe about her breakup with Jesse. She was apologizing more because she wished more than anything that Chloe would look at her the way she looked at Chicago Walp.

Chloe only hugged her and squeezed tighter when she felt Beca crying into her shoulder, “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here.” She whispered into Beca’s ear. Beca only held her tighter and hated herself for crying. When Chloe felt Beca relax into her, she brought them over to her bed and sat them down, “Do you want to talk about it? Tell me what happened?”

_ Do you love me? Or do you love her? _

Beca tried to stop herself from hyperventilating as she looked into Chloe’s eyes. Chloe’s eyes looked unreal, “It was six months ago,” She wiped her tears away, “It just wasn’t right. I think I wanted someone who supported my music and Jesse seemed right - but something was just missing.” She mumbled, “I don’t know if I ever could’ve had the same feelings he had for me.” She hoped to God that Chloe would understand that it was because she had feelings for her, “It just wasn’t right, so he left me.” 

Chloe rubbed her shoulder as she spoke, “I’m so sorry, Becs.” 

Beca shook her head, finally feeling like she was putting herself together, “No, no, it’s okay. I feel worse about not telling you. After… what happened, I just. I locked up. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I stopped talking to you. I can’t believe I blocked you all out. I’m so sorry.” Then, she was crying again. 

“Hey, hey, It’s okay. It’s alright. We’re here now. Everything’s okay.” Chloe kept muttering and rubbing Beca’s back. Eventually, when Beca couldn’t stop. Chloe pulled her in for another hug and they fell back onto the bed. Beca couldn’t stop herself and Chloe did the only thing she felt like she could do. They cuddled that night until Beca was out of tears and Chloe was still whispering that it would all be okay and apologizing for not being there for her sooner. Eventually, Beca fell asleep, cuddled up in Chloe’s arms. 


	7. I've been waiting for you.

Chloe was pacing the floor of the hallway in front of Amy and Aubrey’s room. She had been doing so for several minutes after she had already gone on a run to keep herself from waking anyone up too early. Now, even after the run, it was only seven in the morning. It was still too early to wake anyone up and too early to eat breakfast. So she was pacing. She couldn’t help it. She had been in love with Beca Mitchell for years and she had always told herself that the reason she never told Beca the truth was because Beca was in a relationship. It was because she liked Jesse, not Chloe. What the hell was she supposed to do now? 

  
   Before she knew what she was doing Chloe was knocking, possibly banging, on Aubrey and Amy’s door. Once, twice, three times. Finally, she heard a groan from the other side and Aubrey opened the door, “Chloe?” She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She was in the matching pajama set that Chloe had bought her for Christmas last year. It was a green flannel set and Chloe had the opposite but matching red set. Aubrey quickly realized the look on Chloe’s face as the one she always had when she was freaking out and over thinking, “Chloe, what’s wrong?” Aubrey’s words brought Amy to her side and then both blonde girls were staring at her. 

  
   Chloe tried to clear her throat of its dryness, “Bree,” She breathed out, “Beca and Jesse broke up.” 

  
   Aubrey pulled her inside and sat her on one of the double beds, the one Chloe assumed was Aubrey’s. Her side was much cleaner than the mess of bags that were on Amy’s side, “Amy, could we have a minute?” Aubrey asked.   
  
“What? No fair, I want to know what’s-“ Amy started by Aubrey gave her a Stern look, “Fine.” She picked up her jacket and left, despite still being in her pajamas.    
  
“So,” Aubrey said, folding her arms and giving Chloe a knowing look.   
  
“I don’t know, Bree,” Chloe slumped her shoulders, “I don’t know. Last night she just told me and, and,” There was no and. She had never prepared for this. From afar, she had heartbrokenly decided that Beca and Jesse would eventually get married. She had never prepared for the option that Beca would ever be single again.    
  
Aubrey sat down next to her, her hands pressing into the bed by her side. She stared at Chloe who looked absolutely caught off guard. Not to mention that the redhead looked like she hadn’t slept all night. Aubrey bit her lip and nodded at her flustered best friend, “And what was your reason for not telling Beca that you’re head over heels for her?”    
  
Chloe looked at her and their eyes met. From Aubrey’s view, she could see all of the confusion in Chloe’s eyes. It was as if up to this point, Chloe had already accepted that Beca wasn’t an option for her. That up to now Chloe had already been so heartbroken for so long over the girl she’d never have that she’d accepted that heartbreak would be a part of her life, “I don’t know Bree. It’s been six months and she was crying in my arms about it last night.” Aubrey can see in Chloe’s eyes that she’s looking for a real answer and she remembers all the way back in college when they met Beca. She remembers the way she watched Chloe stare and even after Beca had been with Jesse, Aubrey watched Chloe fall in love.    
  
Aubrey wondered why Beca was crying last night if she had feelings for Chloe. What really was stopping the two of them from confessing that they were both in love with each other? As frustrating as the two were, Aubrey knew she couldn’t say anything. It wasn’t her right, no matter how bad at love her two best friends were. They had to do this on their own, “Chlo, you’ve been in love with Beca for as long as you’ve known her.”    
  
Chloe thought about it for a minute and She knew Aubrey was right. Chloe had fallen for Beca quicker then she’d ever fallen for anyone she’d ever met. But she’d watched Beca fall in love with Jesse. She’d watched as Beca flirted with Jesse from across the bar and taken extra shots of Tequila because of it. Over the years, she’d watched Beca talk about Jesse and their anniversaries. Chloe had put up with it everytime Beca gushed and Chloe’s stomach churned. She had felt the crack in her chest every time she saw them kiss. She’d know that the feeling all too well by now. Though, as painful as she knew that heartbreaking feeling was, she couldn’t imagine bringing up her feelings all over again just be rejected. Beca had never even mentioned liking girls before. Chloe sighed at all of the thoughts overwhelming her and whispered to her best friend, “What if she doesn’t like girls?” But the real question was, what if she doesn’t like me?   
  
Aubrey only wrinkled her nose, “I don’t think Beca could deny that you two have a connection. Everyone knows that.” Aubrey offered back.    
  
“I’m sorry for barging in on you two. This is just so much to think about.” Chloe said, once again biting her lip as a nervous tick, “Not to mention, Chicago.” She mumbled.    
  
“Chicago?” Aubrey asked, “The army guy?”    
  
“Just meaningless flirting, but he’s sweet and kind. I just don’t want to screw all of this up. He could at least help me get over her.” Chloe says it as if she’s resigned to some sad fate with a boy she never felt passion for.   
  
“You haven’t even tried,” Aubrey said, this time more confident in wanting Chloe to tell Beca. She might not have the right to tell both of them how idiotic they’re being, but at least she could push them towards each other the only way she knew how.   
  
Chloe shook her head, “I don’t know if I can risk losing her.” She was barely speaking audibly now, but Aubrey could understand her.    
  
“You are never going to lose her.” Aubrey’s words were precise and with strong conviction. She was right, after all, Beca wouldn’t leave Chloe even if she wasn’t head over heels for her. They would work it out, regardless. That’s what best friends do.    
  
“Thanks for talking to me,” Chloe said and opened her arms for a hug.   
  
Aubrey hugged her back with a small ping of guilt in her stomach. In some ways, she wished she could just tell them they were in love with one another. She wished it were that simple, but it wasn’t her place to ruin either of their chances. That was an intimate moment for them. It was only right that they got it for themselves and without all of the Bella’s there for once. “Of course, Chloe. What’re best friends for?”    
  
In the meantime, Beca was just waking up to the early morning light coming through the glass door to their balcony. She was waking up and realizing what she had said the night before, the way she had cried in front of Chloe, and the way Chloe had held her all night. She was also realizing though, that she was sleeping in Chloe’s bed, alone. As she got up and felt around to the other side, she felt the emptiness and the cold and decided that Chloe had gotten up a while ago.    
  
The thought gave her a small cracking feeling in her chest. Chloe had gotten up and left her there alone because Chloe hadn’t thought much of sleeping in the same bed. She didn’t feel the same pull and vulnerability as Beca did the night before. Chloe didn’t feel like cuddling with Beca would make her sides melt. Chloe didn’t think much at all about sleeping beside Beca because Beca was her best friend. That was it.    
  
Beca got up then and stretched out, trying to ignore the way her stomach was churning over her thoughts. She got up, got dressed, and tried her best to think about something else until she got down to meet Amy and Emily for breakfast. They were sitting in the same spot as they were the day before when Beca walked over to meet them. “Hey there, sunshine.” Amy joked as Beca poured herself a cup of coffee.    
  
“Shut it, Dingo.” Beca murmured back, her tone somewhere between threatening and joking.    
  
Beca sat down and took a few sips of coffee, choosing to skip breakfast with her stomach still acting up. Again, she found Amy staring at her and that whole morning routine was getting tired to Beca, “Spit it out.” She said.   
  
“I’m just glad you told Chloe about your breakup with Jesse.” Amy shrugged it off as if it wasn’t what she was staring at Beca over.   
  
“How do you even know that?” Beca rolled her eyes, she’d forgotten how good the Bella’s were at getting into her business.    
  
“I have my sources.” She joked as she sipped her milk like it was a cup of tea, “Now we’re just wondering when you’re going to tell her you’re in love her.”    
  
Beca spit up a bit of her coffee and it drooled off her chin. She swallowed the rest and wiped her chin off with a napkin, “Did Aubrey fucking-“    
  
“You told Aubrey you’re in love with Red?” Amy sounded more offended now.   
  
“What? No! I didn’t tell anyone-“    
  
“So you admit that it’s true?” Their little back and forth thing ends there and Beca gets quiet over the question.   
  
“Beca!” Emily gushes at the silent confirmation and Beca only rolls her eyes, “Are you going to tell her?”   
  
Beca swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn’t really have an answer to that. She didn’t know. She wanted to and she didn’t all at the same time. After last night though, the answer was leaning more towards a no. She couldn’t risk losing the one person who helped her open up to everyone else. Chloe made her a better person and she couldn’t risk that. She bit her lip, “I don’t know,” was all she could manage to say.   
  
Before they continued, Aubrey and Chloe walked into the room and waved over to them. They went for breakfast and Beca watched as Chloe walked. She didn’t seem to think anything of the night before by the way she waved and smiled at them. She was just as bubbly and energetic as ever and most definitely not filled with the overwhelming thoughts that Beca had. Chloe was just her best friend and it was the way her stomach churned over those words that hurt the most.    
  
“Good Morning,” Chloe said once they’d taken their seats in the chairs lining the long table.    
  
“Good Morning,” Beca replied, having now finished her first cup of coffee, “I guess it’s my turn to say that I didn’t hear you wake up.”    
  
Chloe smiled at her and Beca couldn’t help the way she stared into Chloe’s eyes. She’d never seen eyes so bright and beautiful. They were much brighter then Beca’s own eyes. Here’s were so dark that most people assumed they were brown. No one really noticed them unless they were looking directly into them. “I went for a run, I’m sorry,” She explained.   
  
“It’s alright,” Beca told her and the rest of the breakfast they hardly spoke. The rest of the group was, of course, their excited, overly talkative selves. After breakfast, they met with the rest of the group to practice for rehearsal. They went to the same empty room and Beca thanked whatever Gods she didn’t believe in for the fact that she hadn’t had to see Chicago.    
  
“I was thinking we mess around with harmonies today, see what we can do with the songs we picked and practice it with a beat. We can break it down.” Beca told them as she pulled out her laptop and the folder she had for her version of Cheap Thrills.    
  
“I feel like we listened to Cheap Thrills over and over again yesterday. Can we start with something else? Maybe just a practice song, for fun?” Ashley piped up and some of the other girls chimed in agreement.    
  
“Uh, sure. Why not?” Beca said. She hadn’t been used to doing mixes for pure amusement anymore. If she wasn’t getting coffee at work, she was doing mixes for them and it was never anything good. They were more focused on speed then they were on quality. She often had to turn them in so quickly that she never really had time to enjoy them all that much. She had only just gotten used to doing them again for herself since she got fired, “Anybody have something stuck in your head?”   
  
“You shout it out, But I can't hear a word you say,” Her voice hits Beca like a freight train, just like it always did in college. “I'm talking loud...not saying much,” Chloe’s voice is soft and soothing and the entire time she’s staring at Beca, waiting for her response. And even though none of the Bella’s know the history behind the song, nobody is singing with her,  “I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet, You shoot me down, but I get up...” Beca couldn’t help staring and the rest of the girls were watching her, waiting for her to do something.

  
Beca shook her head when Chloe took a deep breath to go into the chorus. Then Beca took her own deep breath and they harmonized, “I'm bulletproof nothing to lose, Fire away, fire away, Ricochet, you take your aim, Fire away, fire away” The look they shared was fire and ice. It was as if neither of them could look away. They were glued to one another, as the rest of the Bella’s joined in with their own harmonies, “You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium   
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium,” on the last part the group cut out and left Beca and Chloe to finish it on their own, “I am titanium.” When it was over Chloe gave her the same wide smile she had given Beca in the shower all those years ago. The same smile that appeared on her face when Beca had shown up for auditions. There was a connection between them that no one in the room could deny. 

 

“Hey, Chloe-” His voice made Beca’s blood boil. The group turned to find Chicago standing at the door, his face ghost white and full of surprise, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were all- I can come back later.” 

 

“It’s alright, did you need something?” Chloe asked and Beca noticed the way her eyes moved from her to the army boy. The room was all of a sudden thirty degrees warmer to Beca and her throat felt like it was going to close up. She tried to rub her neck and clavicle to ease the pain, though she knew better than that. 

 

“No, I just,” He smiled at her in his ginger happy way, “It’s alright, I can talk to you later.”

 

“You don’t have to go, what is it?” Chloe had always been the most positive, kindest person. It was part of the reason Beca was so madly in love with her.

  
“Okay, I mean, I wanted to do this in private, but I was just wondering- I mean if you’d want to-” His babbling made Beca roll her eyes. An instant after, Aubrey had a hand on her shoulder and in every other moment Beca would find it irritating, but in that second it was comforting, “Would you want to go out to dinner with me, tonight?”    



End file.
